One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom,The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says “If these were firmer you wouldn’t need a bra.”
The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him.
The next week the teo are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says “If your ass was firmer you wouldn’t need a girdle.”
The wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge.
One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says “If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn’t need your brother.”
Q: Why do tampons have strings?
A: So you can floss when you get done eating…
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
An elderly man walks into a house of ill repute and tells the madam that he would like a young woman for the night. The madam gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Just how old are you, mister?” “Why,” the old patron says, “I’m 98 years old today!” “Ninety-eight!” the madam exclaims. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh,” he says, “then how much do I owe you?”
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.” The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!” The kid smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Rufus!Rufus who?Rufus leaking and I’m getting wet!
Did you hear about the [ethnic] who couldn’t spell?
He spent the night at a warehouse.
You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Q: Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists?A: They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman