19 Things Not To Say At Work

1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
2. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
3. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. You!… Off my planet!
9. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
11. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
12. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
13. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
14. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you
haven’t fallen asleep yet.
15. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
16. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
17. Chaos, panic and disorder — my work here is done.
18. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
19. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a
paycheck.

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