Classified Funny Ads

�Include your children when baking cookies!

�Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

�Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

�British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

�Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

�A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

�Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

�For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

�For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

�Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

�Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

�Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

�Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

�We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

�No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

�For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

�Great Dames for sale.

�Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

�Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

�20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

�Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

�Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

�If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

�Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

�The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

�Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

�Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

�Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

�Stock up and save. Limit: one.

�Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.

�We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

�This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

�For Sale–Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

�For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

�Man, honest. Will take anything.

�Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

�Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

�Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

�Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

�Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

�Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

�Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

�Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

�3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

�Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

�Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

�Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

�See ladies blouses. 50% off!

�Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

�Illiterate? Write today for free help.

�Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

�Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

�Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

�Mother’s helper–peasant working conditions.

�Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

�And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

�We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

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