Clinton mortgage application

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, that’s
2.2 million, and with the customary 20 percent down, that’s $440,000, leaving a
mortgage of $1,760,000. Now let’s have a look at your financial statements.
Let’s see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States, of course,
and your salary is $200,000 a year. We recommend buying a house that costs no
more than two and a half times your annual salary. That means you should be
looking for something around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick rancher?
And I see here that you’ll be out of a job in 16 months or so. What will you
do then? Open a library? In Little Rock? Arkansas? Wow. I bet that will be some
kind of moneymaker.
Mrs. Clinton, you’re running for Senate, right? Senators are paid $130,000
year-assuming, of course, she’s elected, so even with your pension you’re still
looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe a nice center hall colonial.
Mrs. Clinton, you haven’t worked outside the house since 1991? But you did
some volunteer work, I see. You tried to overhaul the entire national health
care system? I see. But no one was interested? But you have other experience? I
see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How about this
Whitewater Development
Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande?
Bankrupt, too. You actually did go to Yale you claim? A little bad luck with the
law, too, I see. Three of your business partners went to jail.
This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all,
affect your ability to pay. Any problems in your marriage? No? Fine.
Let’s look at your assets: you owe $4.5 million Mr. Clinton? How do you expect
to pay that off? You’re hoping people will donate to a special fund? So
basically you’re relying on the kindness of strangers.
You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting
you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the air fares. And she
wants to go to medical school?
Any legal problems? I see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out
putting your law degree to work. Say, how do we know you’re not lying on you
loan application? Of course it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.
Are there any other legal matters we should know about? Mrs. Clinton? You
don’t think she’s going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction of justice rap.
But we’re not totally sure, right? That means there’s a remote possibility-note
that I say “remote” that you could be trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage
while making 12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the feds, and while Mr.
Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.
Let’s review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the other one
soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to
over 22 times your annual income that you’re hoping someone is going to come
along and pay. And a looming criminal indictment. Your tangible assets seem to
consist of an old Ford.
We�ll give you a call.

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