ONLY CRAYON

Coming out of the shower i grab a towel and begin to dry my face. something
smells funny so i pull the towel off to investigate. staring me in the face is a
long, thick brown streak. my heart skips a beat as i realize i’ve just dried my
face in somebody’s fecal matter. further examination reveals brown spots all
over the towel.
completely grossed out i jump back into the shower and scrub three layers of
skin off my face.
after i’ve finished i go downstairs, towel in hand, to ask my wife how this
could happen. how could she allow the girls the freedom to wipe their asses in
the towels?
“oh,” she said, “that�s not poop. there was a brown crayon in the dryer and it
melted all over the towels.”
“what?” i stammer as relief floods over me. but then relief turns to
irritation. “why didn’t you rewash them? did you want to give me a heart attack?
i just scrubbed five pounds of flesh off my face thinking it was s***!”
“no, i just didn’t want to waste a wash cycle washing clean stuff.”
“but, honey,” i say slowly so she could understand, “it ain’t clean!”
“oh, you big baby, it’s only crayon.”
it’s only crayon… i tell you, i wasn’t even drinking but i nearly got s***
faced!

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