THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

The New Liberal Version
The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and
well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter.
Shivering, the grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of
such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs)
shows up on Night Line and charges the ant with “Green Bias” and makes the case
that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the
frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings
“its Not Easy Being Green.”
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening
News and tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for
the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who
benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the
“Temperature Of The 80’s.”
Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act”
RETROACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire
a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear
cases on Thursday afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk
shows scheduled. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant’s food while the government house he’s in, which just happens to be the
ant’s old house, crumbles around him since he doesn’t know how to maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant’s food,
they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of
Democrats announcing that a new era of “Fairness” has dawned in America.

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