13. Your dojo’s symbol is a bullseye target.
12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
10. The “gees” are used hospital gowns, and the “throwing stars” are just slices of old cheese.
9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.
7. Instructor’s low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one “pop quizzes” in dark alleys.
6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase “Insurance does not exist in this dojo!”
3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.
2. Sensei’s “ancient Chinese secret” required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
1. Did Confucius ever really say he was “going to open up a can of whoop-ass” on someone?[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.topfive.com ]