The Top 15 Signs You’re Having Trouble Adjusting to College

15> You just can’t get your day going without the morning announcements and Pledge of Allegiance.

14> Despite your having the hottest live dorm sex-cam on campus, the other kids at BYU just don’t seem to accept you.

13> Forget the kegger with the Tri-Delts this Friday — you’ve got some Ruminations to write!

12> Passing high school chemistry by sleeping with your teacher worked well, but the irony of passing freshman ethics by sleeping with your teacher is driving you nuts.

11> “Aww, c’mon guys. We just went out drinking last night!”

10> That backpack you made out of your blankie isn’t fooling anyone.

9> Your fraternity brothers are doubting your claim that the rubber sheets are due to an allergy to cotton.

8> You’re anxious to find out if you got an A on your cat-dissection project. But you’re not taking a biology class, and your art professor seems to be avoiding you.

7> Due to a misunderstanding, your cramming for exams involves K-Y Jelly.

6> You think “carrying a full load” means you haven’t had a girlfriend in awhile.

5> Animal Husbandry isn’t exactly what you expected when you signed up for it.

4> The good news: You have a 3.5 average. The bad news: That’s your blood alcohol content.

3> You feel so awkward and unpopular that you quit the Young Republicans and join the Junior Reform Party.

2> The friendly wager you made with your new roommate about who would score first apparently has nothing to do with your Pokemon skills.

1> Your mother turns on Dateline’s story about college binge drinking just in time to see you vomit on Jane Pauley.

[ The Top 5 List] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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