16> Your daughter claims her scanty attire is a silent “anti-burqa” protest.
15> Multi-city panic results when reservoirs found to contain vast quantities of dihydrogen monoxide.
14> Tragically, our once-carefree lives are now forever burdened by the overwhelming seriousness of– Whoops, gotta go! “American Idol” is on!
13> Cameras once hidden discreetly in mascot costume’s head on shelf in women’s locker room now openly labeled “For Your Security.”
12> Thanks to the Patriot Act, the Man keeps hasslin’ me about having a freakin’ hot plate in my dorm room!
11> How else do you explain my many letters to Shania Twain coming back unopened?!
10> Your pickup line of “You’re the bomb!” now sends people running frantically toward the nearest exit.
9> Patriot Act fails to prevent Celine Dion from invading Las Vegas.
8> KFC now requires background checks and waiting periods if you ask for a friggin’ spork.
7> “Live, from Hoboken — it’s Saturday Night!”
6> America’s favorite pet is a canary in a carry-me-everywhere cage.
5> Mood rings now show only yellow, orange and red hues.
4> Alec Baldwin really *does* move to France.
3> Playing with bubble-wrap earns you a trip to Guantanamo Bay.
2> With the threat of random death now ever-present, “What the Hell?” 24-pack sales at Cinnabon are up 400%.
1> The FBI kicks in your front door when the kids watch their video of “Aladdin.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]