9 . To make up for 30% fewer games, players compensate fans with 30% more crotch scratching.
8. Beer now $150,000 a pop.
7. New “NBA Star for a Month” promo allows lucky spectators to smoke pot, fire guns and speed without legal consequences.
6. 50-game regular season will almost be as exciting as the 339-game playoffs.
5. Old slogan: “It’s Fan-tastic!”
New slogan: “It’s Moneybag-nificent!”
4. To help recoup lost income, Laker Girls will add lap dancing to their repertoire.
3. Jazz upsets Pacers in finals by a score of H-O-R to H-O-R-S-E.
2. Thanks to some tricky wording overlooked by players’ union, Patrick Ewing must wear a “celery cap” during every game.
1. In an attempt fill vacant seats in arenas nationwide, local offspring of Shawn Kemp admitted free.[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List email@example.com http://www.topfive.com ]